Man cannot love a woman truly – as woman needs to be loved – while his sexuality is rampant. That means while he excuses his sexuality; while he watches pornographic movies, reads pornographic magazines; while he excites himself with photographs of naked women or parts of her – and any of that sort of distraction instead of loving a real woman’s body; and while he masturbates which means having sex with himself. Also, man cannot make love to a woman while he is fantasising about her or another woman because that’s introducing a phantom woman into the relationship. Man often does this to keep his self excited but it means he’s not really there, and he’s not loving. He has to give it up.

    Something man does habitually is to look at women in the street. In doing this he is subconsciously feeding his sexual self. His sexual self actually turns his head and looks out of his eyes at a woman, often before his attention has even noticed her. The sexual self is faster than the mind.

   There are two ways of looking at a woman. One is to see her beauty. The other is through the sexual self which has a phantom affair with her in a glance. He’s got to give up looking. He’s got to go through a stage where he actually denies himself the right to look at women in the sense I’m talking about. It may be said that that’s suppression. But it’s not, because he knows what he’s doing – he’s practising containment. Suppression is when you feel you’re doing something because somebody has made you do it.

   Woman of course often dresses to attract man’s attention because she has a sexual self too – due to our sexual society. Some women go to excess and exhibit their breasts more to make them more obvious to man. A man trying to give up his lust has to turn away and not dwell on such a woman as he would otherwise have done. If a naked woman walked down the street, all the men would be gaping for as long as they could see her. But the man practising love would say, ‘I’m not going to do this habitual thing that most men do in their unconsciousness. I won’t look any longer and indulge my sexual self.’

    I teach that it is important for man, as soon as possible, to stay true to one woman and take her on. This helps to bring him to his senses and out of his imaginative sexual mind. The key is that he takes her on and together they practice honesty first in their relationship (as I have described) and discover how far they can go together into the mystery of love. If a man still wants other woman, how can he take on one woman? He can’t. He’s not mature enough yet. Wanting other women, he will be restless and discontented; or he will dishonestly pretend that all is well and because it is not, emotional friction will arise between the couple – a common cause of disharmony in relationships.

Extract from the Barry Long book title:

‘To Man In Truth’ (pp 9-11)                            BUY A COPY HERE