How I overcame my eating disorder and began living an amazing organic life! And how you can too
I would like to start off my first blog by telling you all a bit about me and what has led me to live a more healthy and organic lifestyle. It’s been a very hard road but a very worthwhile one. I’ve learnt so much in a short amount of time. I’ve only just turned 20 and have made a promise to myself to be healthy in every aspect of my life. But because I’m still learning and taking a lot of stuff in, I’ve mainly just focused on the food I eat, exercising, removing those nasty toxins from my body and making sure I get a good night’s sleep without taking any kind of medication. I can tell you right now, from doing these few things, I really have noticed a massive change. Not only in my health, but how I view my life also and how badly I was looking after myself all these years (if you can even call it looking after yourself). It’s amazing to think that I thought I was doing all the right things, by following fad diets and exercising until I was going to pass out. I used to treat my body so badly.
Basically I just wanted to be thin, that was my goal. Now I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder; this is purely a self diagnosis here but there were warning signs that were ignored. I remember starting a journal; I wrote in it every day, it was basically a diary to just put me down in every way imaginable. Reading back on it, half of it didn’t even make sense because my mind was just so jumbled. I made a collage of skinny celebrities titled ‘Thinspiration’ and I also printed pages of photos of Mary-Kate Olsen, because I desired to look like her and I kept it in this journal and I would look at it before bed, if I felt hungry, if I felt horrible about myself, before I worked out, etc. I circled parts of her body that I wanted to achieve to have and it was always her thighs. I just wanted thin thighs, it was the one part of my body that I absolutely hated. I would wake up every morning, the only thing I would consume that day would be a coffee and then I would do an intense workout. But after all this, I never lost weight; in fact I sometimes put on weight and that of course would make me feel so much worse, which meant I would write more horrible things about myself in my journal, print out more photos and look at thinspiration websites. These websites are for girls who desire to be thin and go to these sites to help one other and offer advice. Such advice would include eating half an apple for breakfast, the other half for lunch and then half a cucumber for dinner. Another piece of advice was to eat while standing in front of the mirror, because that way, it wouldn’t make you want to eat anymore. While reading this, I was taking all this advice on board. Looking back, I wondered how nobody noticed that there was something wrong with me, but I also know that people with eating disorders can hide it very well, which clearly I did.
I’m not too sure what it was exactly that brought me back to earth, maybe I hit rock bottom without realizing, maybe it was my brother being diagnosed with cancer, or maybe I just came to my senses. Or it could be all of these things. I always took time off work because I was constantly getting headaches and feeling so sick, I thought I was going to faint. I always wanted to travel and even worked 2 jobs for most of the time, but because I was always taking time off, I never had enough money to do what I truly want to do. I even had to take a month off because I had a mental breakdown at work and my boss was so worried about me.
Even after seeking help and finally overcoming this problem, I was still feeling worse for wear. I just couldn’t figure it out. The main thing I noticed, was that I was constantly exhausted, not tired, exhausted. Almost as if I had used all my energy on something, when really I hardly did anything that day. I thought I was doing everything right, I would sleep the recommended hours for an adult, if I was tired during the day, I would nap for 15 minutes. Sometimes even if I was tired I wouldn’t nap just so I could get to sleep that night, but still no luck. I was lost and so frustrated. What was I doing wrong? I didn’t want to see a doctor in case they prescribed me sleeping pills and I just had this feeling that there was so much more to it than just anaemia or insomnia or something like that. So I turned to a friend, Anna, she was more of a mutual friend at the time. She was friends with my sister and I knew that she was someone that lives a very organic lifestyle, something I’ve never seen before.